The first time I heard a pastor say, “If you leave this church, you’re walking away from God,” I was 16. I remember shifting uncomfortably in my seat, the weight of his words pressing down. It wasn’t the first time I had felt something was off, but it was the first time I wondered if questioning the church meant questioning my faith itself.
Years later, I’ve lost count of the stories I’ve heard that sound eerily similar. A friend who left after her church protected an abusive leader. Another friend who told me when he was in youth group he was told his doubts made him a “bad Christian.” A worship leader who burned out after being told rest was the enemy of obedience.
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. According to a 2023 Barna study, 42% of practicing Christians say they’ve experienced significant hurt from a church or faith leader. A staggering 66% of young adults (18-29) who grew up in the church say they’ve dropped out for a time, with many citing issues like leadership scandals, exclusionary practices and a failure to live out the teachings of Jesus.
The disillusionment is real. If the church is supposed to be the body of Christ, why does it so often feel like a machine built for power, control and, let’s be honest, keeping the wrong people in charge?
Let’s be clear: walking away from a toxic church is sometimes the healthiest thing you can do. Spiritual bypassing—pretending everything is fine in the name of “grace”—only perpetuates harm. But does that mean faith itself has to go, too?
Sheila Wise Rowe, a trauma counselor and author of Healing Racial Trauma, notes that faith and church hurt often become entangled, making it difficult to separate the two. She emphasizes that God is not the source of abuse or cover-ups; rather, Jesus himself confronted religious hypocrisy.
And he really did. In Matthew 23, Jesus called out the religious leaders of his day, saying, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces.” He didn’t protect corrupt systems—he flipped tables.
One of the biggest reasons young adults are leaving the church isn’t just personal hurt—it’s the institution’s failure to reflect the radical justice of Jesus. Pew Research found that 60% of young ex-evangelicals say the church’s lack of concern for marginalized communities was a major factor in their departure.
This isn’t about politics. This is about Jesus, who said in Luke 4:18, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.”
The same Jesus who warned that ignoring the needs of the hungry, the sick and the imprisoned is the same as ignoring him (Matthew 25:31-46).
Jemar Tisby, author of The Color of Compromise, observes that “the refusal to act in the midst of injustice is itself an act of injustice. Indifference to oppression perpetuates oppression.”
So, what does moving forward look like? If you’re struggling with church hurt, the path to healing isn’t about forcing yourself back into a broken space. It’s about finding Jesus outside of it. Asking hard questions isn’t losing faith—it’s refining it. Even the disciples wrestled with doubts and frustrations. A growing number of believers are forming house churches, book clubs and justice-focused faith communities outside of traditional spaces. If church has made Jesus seem distant, go back to his words. Watch how He loves, how He disrupts, how He stands with the outcasts. That’s the faith worth holding onto.
Church hurt is real. But Jesus isn’t the problem. If anything, He’s the solution. And maybe—just maybe—faith isn’t something to abandon, but something to reclaim.
Title: Can You Get Over Church Hurt Without Losing Your Faith?
URL: https://relevantmagazine.com/faith/can-you-get-over-church-hurt-without-losing-your-faith/
Source: REL ::: RELEVANT
Source URL: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/rss/relevantmagazine.xml
Date: April 2, 2025 at 03:55PM
Feedly Board(s): Religion