I’ve been engaged for over a year now, and I’ve gotten used to the usual questions: “What’s the date?” “Where’s the wedding?” “Is there an open bar?” But the one that still catches me off guard comes from fellow Christians: “So… why don’t you guys just move in together before the wedding? You know, test the waters.”
Ah yes, the IKEA-relationship model—assemble it yourself, see what breaks, return what doesn’t work.
On the surface, it makes sense. You test-drive a car before you buy it, right? Shouldn’t you do the same with marriage? But here’s the problem: people aren’t Hondas. And compatibility isn’t just about who hogs the covers or leaves dishes in the sink.
As tempting as it is to cohabitate before the vows, living together before marriage doesn’t just invite logistical headaches—it also invites spiritual compromise. Not because sharing rent is inherently evil, but because we’re not just physical beings. Our relationships—especially the romantic ones—are spiritual battlegrounds. And when you move in together before you’re ready to make a lifelong commitment, you might be building intimacy on a shaky foundation.
Temptation is one of the most obvious issues. No, cohabitation isn’t automatically sinful. But the setup? Pretty ideal for sin to creep in. You’re spending long hours alone. You’re emotionally attached. You’re physically attracted. Add Netflix and no accountability and you’re basically daring yourselves to fail.
Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that the heart is deceitful. That means we’re really good at convincing ourselves things are fine even when they’re slowly unraveling. We say things like, “We’re mature.” “We’ve set boundaries.” “We pray together.” And yet, studies—and, let’s be honest, personal experiences—show over and over that cohabitation makes purity harder, not easier.
Ephesians 5:3 doesn’t say, “Try not to be sexually immoral.” It says there shouldn’t even be a hint of it. Living together might not be sex itself, but it’s definitely not a hint-free arrangement.
So ask yourself: Is this decision making us more like Jesus? Are we honoring each other and our future marriage? Would we recommend this to someone we’re discipling? Honest answers will tell you more than any pros/cons list ever could.
Sex is not a compatibility test. It’s not a reward for being “serious” or “almost married.” It’s not a helpful sorting mechanism for figuring out who you want to spend forever with. It’s sacred. God designed it to function in the context of covenant, not curiosity. Genesis 2:24 says a man leaves his family, clings to his wife, and the two become one flesh. That’s a three-step process. Skipping straight to step three without the covenant commitment in place cheapens something God made to be powerful, vulnerable and holy.
And let’s be real: engagement is not marriage. It’s a plan, not a promise. I’ve seen enough weddings called off to know that a ring doesn’t guarantee anything. If you’re not married, you’re still auditioning—which makes living together less of a safe space and more of a pressure cooker.
People think moving in together will give them insight into compatibility. But the truth is, compatibility is revealed more through conversations than cohabitation. It’s found in how you handle conflict, how you talk about your dreams, how you pray, serve, forgive and grow together.
A strong relationship is rooted in friendship, not friction. You don’t have to share a bathroom to figure out if someone’s trustworthy. You have to see them under pressure. See them love people they disagree with. Watch how they treat waiters and parents and children. That’s compatibility. That’s character.
And let’s not forget the bigger question: is this relationship helping you glorify God? Because more than fun, more than sex, more than shared streaming passwords, that is the goal.
This isn’t about shame. It’s about vision. God’s design for sex, love and marriage isn’t about arbitrary rules—it’s about our good. It’s about building something strong, holy and lasting. Living together before marriage might seem like a shortcut, but shortcuts often lead to dead ends.
So no, we’re not moving in together. Not because we’re prudish or out of touch—but because we want more than just a successful wedding. We want a marriage that reflects Christ. And we believe that starts before we ever share a roof.
Title: Why Living Together Before You’re Married Is a Bad Idea
URL: https://relevantmagazine.com/life5/relationships/why-living-together-before-youre-married-is-a-bad-idea/
Source: REL ::: RELEVANT
Source URL: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/rss/relevantmagazine.xml
Date: May 14, 2025 at 03:29PM
Feedly Board(s): Religion